puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
