the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I intend to get homeless drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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