Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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