i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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