didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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