Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
