But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's like iHOP with fire
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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