Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
