FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
