the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Are we still banned from the library?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
