Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
