New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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