A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
