the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We are two peas in an std pod
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
