So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
