Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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