the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
