guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
