I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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