I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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