Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it because I queefed?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am one with the molecules
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize