I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
