We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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