Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
