you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
