You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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