Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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