If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize