i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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