Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
