In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
