We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
