Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
