Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
