i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
