I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize