Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

Fav 28 6254 848
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(734): View more from Michigan

so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it

Fav 32 1064 7395
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(541): View more from Oregon

I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation

Fav 7 2331 1079
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(785): View more from Kansas

Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.

Fav 10 3621 903
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.

Fav 18 1748 3128
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(651): View more from Minnesota

This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

(507): View more from Minnesota

Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

Fav 18 3109 1311
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.

Fav 6 678 1229
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(415): View more from California

I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.

Fav 2 48 7
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(912): View more from Georgia

He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.

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