What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
