I'm lost and stupid without you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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