As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
