Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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