He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
