If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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