oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
