so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
