Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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