Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize