Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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