Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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