I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
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