Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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