So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
