My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your penis caused this!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
