This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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