how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
