If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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