you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
