Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
