I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
