And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
