My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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