He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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