Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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