I looked at my own cervix.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have aggressive nipples.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
