Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
