how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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