One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
