Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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