you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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