giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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