It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
