Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
