I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
