I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
