hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize