He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
