we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
