Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
