don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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