I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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