he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
