he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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