Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
