So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize