Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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