I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
