There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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