wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
