At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
