If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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