Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
