I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
